Solitude

Tonight

The eclipse is glinting

The twilight is glowing

But my senses are blunt

That my eyes are blind

And my heart is pined

How can I love?

When this solitude is conquered by fear

That comes from an appalling doubt

That petrifies the star from knowing its lights

How can I love?

When this solitude is conquered with tears

That comes from a failing heart

That tells there is an enchanting eclipse on the north

While on the south lies a wonderful twilight

How can I leave?

When in this realm

The horizon seems really near

While the land I stand seems firmer than ever

Although they are hung on the tiny string of trust

That creates the beautiful songs that might not last

If the lights are no longer bounded together

As I have always perceived

That they will

Forever

Sincerity 112

"Say, the one and only

The eternal

The absolute

Begetteth, not nor was begotten

And there is non like unto him"

112:1-4

L'Ombre

I have dreamt so very much of you,

I have walked so much,

Loved your shadow so much,

That nothing more is left to me of you.

All that remains to me is to be the shadow among shadows

To be a hundred times more of a shadow than the shadow

To be the shadow that will come and come again into

your sunny life.

Robert Desnos (1942), "The Heart that Hated War".

Bonus

"You are a psychopath. Yes, you bloody are. Especially with your blog"

"Tell me how am I a psychopath with my blog?"

“When you get ideas to do something, or write something on your blog, you will simply ignore the whole world around you. As if nothing else exists, nothing else matters, except you and your feelings and the blog."

"It’s like how one can be devoted to a religion!”

"But that is not psychopathic”

“That is…”

“An obsession?”

“I don’t know”

“But what I know is I think that is the purest way of writing, of doing anything you love, or loving somebody your really love”

“Without expecting anything in return, any reward that you get from it is just a bonus.”

Without realising it, that conversation seemed to suck out all my anger, my emotions and excitement that I usually use to write. I felt no more. That night, I couldn't write even though I wanted to. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. But it is not a good thing either.

Later in the same night, I received an email telling me that somebody really likes this blog,

and wants to ask me a list of questions about it, and share them with others.

Writing in this blog, I never had any slightest intention to get acknowledgment like this. I just want to share things at its purest form. Far from thinking that it deserves even to be noticed.

To get a bonus when it is least expected like this, I am really grateful.

I really am.

Photo taken at UIA

19313 revealed

I must admit it was my weakness that most of you couldn't understand my previous post about the words and figures. I have been given this great ability to feel and be sensible in certain things in life, but to express those feelings in words, it seems unnatural to me.

So please forgive my immaturity to speak

It was just the feelings were so strong that nothing could stop me that time

Love - 19161 - Hate - How the title itself was unimportant. So were the following figures. At the time of writing, I just wanted to show how people nowadays are always obsessed with figures and numbers without even understanding why they really need them.

However, it cannot be seen clearly in that post, but by how the readers and maybe you reacted to it. I believe most of you have tried so hard to clarify them. But only until at one point, you realise that they are nothing to clarify. That they are not real. Worst, if you are thinking that they are real but you are just incapable of defining them.

To me numbers are nothing more than representation of our blind struggle to establish our positions, and superiority over the others.

Words on the other hand are actually what they really are and what they really have. Despite that we already know the facts, we are still forgetting which one is more important.

One's achievements in other people's eyes,

Or self-satisfaction of doing things one really loves.

We always think the truth that matters, is the truth that can be measured.

If someone's love can be measured by how many laughter and happiness are shared when that someone's around,

If it's just because you cannot measure them,

If it's just because they don't want you to measure them,

That doesn't mean it's not real.

In fact, it is more real than anything else.

More real than any unimportant representations of empty numbers...

P/S

What you've said to me is the only thing that matters. So for now, let's forget about the world...